Eeewwww... Eyeball Truffles!

 

I hate haunted houses, don't particularly care for candy besides pure dark chocolate, and won't be caught dead in a slutty costume, but I still love Halloween.

I love it because I get to 1) sew/craft/create and wear a (non-slutty) costume and 2) bake themed sweets.  It's the universe giving me homework assignments in two of my favorite subjects.

I'm not making a costume or dressing up this year (at least not as of this moment...I reserve the right to change that before Saturday night), but I have been creating plenty of spooky treats in the kitchen, including these disgustingly delicious Oreo Eyeball Truffles.

 

These are slightly tedious and time consuming to make, but no single step is terribly difficult, and there's no actual baking involved.  So pull up a scary movie on your instant NetFlix, invite over a (hopefully not scary) friend to help out, and get your eyeballs on.

You ready?  Eye am.  Here goes.

(Sorry - I couldn't resist that.  I also will take this moment to apologize for the lack of photos and poor photo quality below.  Blame it on the SF Giants; Beck and I may have been slightly distracted as we jumped up and down and cheered while watching Game 1 of the World Series and making these. GO GIANTS!)

You'll need:

- one package of Double Stuf Oreos
- one 8 oz block cream cheese
- 1 bag white candy melts
- 1/4 bag green or blue candy melts
- few teaspoons vegetable shortening or coconut oil
- 45 or so mini chocolate chips
- red food coloring
- toothpicks
- candy cups or mini muffin cups
not pictured:
- parchment or wax paper
- cookie sheets
- couple small ziploc bags
- small bowl and fork

Grab a package of regular Double-Stuf Oreos.  Not the orange or green or red cream ones, or your eyeballs will look weird.  Actually, this is Halloween, so get your Frankenstein on and experiment away.  By the way, when did they invent so many kinds of Oreos? Peanut butter, mint, fudge? I have been out of the Oreo loop, apparently...

Now take one row of Oreos and scrape out the cream.  Use a knife, use your tongue; we won't tell either way.

Now take all the Oreos and crush 'em up real good.  Use the food processor, use a rolling pin and a ziploc bag, use a heavy iron skillet (and some caution).  Doesn't matter how you do it, point is to ground them up real fine.  When they're ground up real good, pour the crumbs into a big bowl.

Now take that block of cream cheese and toss it in there with the crumbs.  Now go wash your hands.

Did you wash 'em real good?  Did you sing the ABC Song twice while rubbing them with soap?  Did you know that Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star is the same tune as the ABC Song?  Did you know that Ba, Ba, Black Sheep is also the same?  Hmmm...maybe I'll be a sheep for Halloween.

Sorry.  Getting off topic.  Back to the eyeballs.

Stick those super clean hands in there with the cream cheese and cookie crumbs and mash them together.  It'll seem like it's going to take forever at first, but hang in there.  Then go wash your hands to remove all the Oreo/cream cheese gunk.

Now roll the dough into 1-inch balls and place on a cookie sheet covered with parchment or wax paper.  You should get somewhere between 36 and 40 balls, depending on your interpretation of "1 inch" and on how many Oreos you ate before you started.

When you're all done, place the cookie sheet in the fridge. Note that the second shelf of your fridge now contains a grand total of three items: Oreo eyeball truffles, chocolate chips, and baking chocolate.  Think how perfect your life is.

While the eyeballs are chilling, make the irises and pupils.  We use mini chocolate chips for the pupils.  If you're crazy like us, slice off the points of the mini chocolate chips so the pupils lay flatter.  If you're not crazy, forget that step.

To make the irises, take a handful of green or blue candy melts and place them in a ziploc bag.  Without closing the zipper top, place the bag in the microwave and heat on high for 30 seconds.  Take the bag out (carefully - it might be hot!), squish the candy around until it's all melted and smooth, then snip off a corner of the bag.

Pipe circles of green or blue onto a lined cookie sheet, and place chocolate chips in the middle of each iris.

When you get to 40ish circles, stop.  Or, if you secretly enjoy the zen of piping circle after circle and then placing tinier circles in the middles, keep going until you run out of room on the cookie sheet.  Place these in the fridge to set up.

Now get the white candy melts ready for dipping by emptying half the bag of candies into a small bowl and heating it in the microwave on high, stirring every 30 seconds, until candies are almost melted (do not overheat - you probably only need 60 to 90 seconds). If the final coating is too thick for your liking, stir in a teaspoon or so of vegetable shortening or coconut oil.

(I prefer coconut oil, mainly because it sounds more exotic than "vegetable shortening" and smells a whole lot better, too.)

Now do the dip da-dip da-dip doo-wop da doo-bee doo (name that song!).  Toss a ball into the candy coating and gently roll it around.

Using a fork, gently wiggle the truffle to shake off the extra chocolate.

Place the truffle on a lined baking sheet.  I find a knife helpful in sliding the truffle off the fork.  Place an iris on top.

When you're done dipping all the eyeballs (you might need two trays, and at some point will need to refill your bowl with the rest of the white candy melts), place the eyeballs in the fridge to set up.  Use this time to either a) clean up the big mess you've made or b) eat the unused mini chocolate chips.  Your choice.

When your eyeballs are set (they only need maybe 10 minutes), place them in the candy cups or muffin cups and into whatever container or platter you'll be transporting or serving them in.  The veins tend to get a little messy, so unless you don't mind getting a little "bloody", it's best to not move them around too much after you've done the next step.

Now grab your food coloring and toothpicks.  Squeeze a little red food coloring out into a small bowl.  Use a toothpick dipped in food coloring to draw bloodshot veins onto your eyeballs.

 Shiver at how gross they look!  Then eat one.  Or three.

Happy Haunting!

-Katie